As my dear friends and family back in Arkansas can testify, I am an introvert. Thanks to a childhood surrounded by loud, energetic siblings, an unfortunate encounter with about 40 yellow jackets as a little girl, and a love of books that has only grown over the years, I have a tendency to keep to myself. So when I told people that I was going to move to Mexico for two years to do missions, it’s not really shocking that people were a bit surprised. If I remember correctly, one friend’s words were something along the lines of, “You’re pretty much the last person I would have expected to do something like this.” Well, I felt the same way.
You see, I like being an introvert. It gives me an excuse for not doing things. Sure, you miss out on a few things maybe, but you get to stay where it’s comfortable (like curled up with a good book, or sitting quietly out of the way where you won’t have to make awkward small talk). And when someone in church is encouraging you to go out and share the Gospel with people at work, or in class, or wherever you go, you can say, “I wish I could do that, but I’m an introvert. The extroverts are the ones who God made to share the Gospel, since us introverts are too quiet to do it.” Yes, I know that’s a bogus excuse, but I used it, and told myself that I was doing what I could for God in other ways.
And then God called me out, both literally and figuratively. He called me to Mexico for 4 months to do Hands On in Oaxaca. So I went, and I taught English and worked with mission teams. I did all of the things that I was asked to do. But I still used the introvert excuse. I didn’t go out and try and meet people like I could have. I gave up my time, sure, but not my comfort, not really. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now. I was still playing the introvert card.
So then God called me again, this time for 2 years. I said okay, thinking, “I survived 4 months, I guess I can survive 2 years.” Well, this time around God wasn’t going to let me get away with the same old tricks. Because He knew my heart, and knew that I would play that same old card again, He teamed me up with a TRUE introvert. I suddenly had no choice but to be the one to speak up, ask questions, and make awkward conversation with strangers.
So that is my life now. Although I would much rather be sitting back in a corner where no one will notice me, instead I am living in a country where having white skin makes EVERYONE notice me, and where pretty much every day I have to talk to people I barely know, and do that in my second language no less.
Something that a dear friend of mine told me several years ago really stuck with me. She said that she was an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for the purpose of ministry. I thought I understood what she meant then, but I understand it even better now, because that is my life. God is teaching me how to get out of doing what is comfortable for me so that He can be glorified. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but every day He helps me walk out the door and talk to people. Even though I don’t always love what I have to do, I am grateful that God is teaching me how to be a fake extrovert.
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