Sometimes you have to leave the house

In case you don’t know me very well (or have forgotten me in the past year and a half), I tend to fall on the more introverted side of the spectrum. Granted, I’m not the painfully shy, too nervous to talk to a stranger girl I was 15 years ago, but I still have my moments of timidity. Well, I have recently realized that I have been letting my introverted side win a bit too often. 

When I moved here to Mexico, I knew that it would be hard. I would be living with a girl I barely knew, working with a team of strangers to share the Gospel with an entire village of strangers. However, after some time had passed things got easier. I got to know Candace, I got to know my teammates, and I even made some friends in the village. I was surviving in a world of former-strangers! So I kept going along, pretty comfortable with the little bubble I had built around myself. And then this week arrived.

For those of you who don’t know, during the week every year, here in Mexico the people celebrate “Todos Santos” and “Día de los Muertos”, aka “All Saints Day” and “Day of the Dead”. There is also a tiny bit of Halloween thrown in there. This celebration includes making altars for the dead, and cooking their favorite foods so that their spirits can come back and enjoy them. It is a celebration made up of a lot of tradition and many very confused ideas about where someone’s soul goes when they die. Last week Candace and I were traveling during this celebration, so we were able to easily avoid any invitations to participate in the festivities, but this year that is not the case.

We have received several invitations to join with various families here to eat tacos and tamales, and to be a part of the celebration this week. My first instinct was to lock the door, close all the curtains, and hide out in my room until it is all over. There’s nothing like a party for the dead to bring out the introvert in me. I would have followed through on this instinct were it not for one thing: God convicted me. He showed me that I was placing my personal comfort higher than the people’s need to hear the Gospel. Talk about selfishness. 

So, because I am trying to obey God’s leading and do what He says, today, rather than stay home like I wanted to do, I made some soup and took it to some friends who were out selling flowers by the graveyard, knowing that it would probably mean an unavoidable invitation to some sort of party later (which it did). Then, instead of running home to give myself several hours to mentally prepare for said party, I went to visit another friend as she was working. This visit led to her commenting that no one can really know where they will end up when they die, they just have to hope that they did enough good that God will let them into heaven. Well, this opened the door for me to share with her that we actually CAN know, that God gives us assurance of our salvation when we truly trust in Him, that there IS hope for eternal life. 

I don’t know if she will every truly give her life to God, putting her trust in Him, but I pray that she will, that God will somehow use our conversation today to draw her to Himself. I also pray that He will always give me the strength I need to walk out of that front door, no matter what the day may hold in store.

Something to write about

I have been wanting to write something for quite some time now, knowing that it has been a while since I updated all of you on my life. But, to tell you the truth, I haven’t really felt like I had anything to share. To steal a phrase from some fellow missionaries, there are only so many ways to say that I am still in full time language study.

However, today God made me realize something. Yes, it’s true, I have been focused on learning the local language, and little else, for over a year now. This means that a large portion of my conversations and relationships with people here are based on language questions, learning and practicing as much Nahuatl as possible so that I will be better able to work with the people here when the time comes to translate Bible stories.

Now here is the part where God showed me something pretty cool. Today I went out to practice some words, and ask questions about others that I am trying to learn. I’ve been feeling a bit discouraged, like what I’m doing isn’t making a difference. Well, I stopped to ask a couple of questions, and before I knew it I suddenly had seven different people around me, trying to decide on the best way to say certain things. 

It was then that I realized that the group of people around me were individuals, none of which are believers, that I have met through language study during the past year+, but that not only have they shared their language with me, but they have welcomed me into their lives. I have celebrated birthdays, rites of passage, graduations, and births with them, as well as mourned the loss of loved ones and prayed for them through their suffering. I have had difficult conversations about Christianity and religions with them, and have been able to share stories and verses from the Bible that have impacted my life.

I’m not saying that I have done anything great, because I haven’t. Instead I am saying that today God showed me that He is always working, even when we can’t tell. Not only that, but He proved that He does not change, for just this morning I read a verse written hundreds of years ago that I could apply word for word myself. It is Isaiah 26:12, “Lord, you establish peace for us: all that we have accomplished you have done for us.” 

So it turns out that being in full time language study isn’t such a bad thing after all.

The wheels on the bus....

Last week I had the HUGE blessing of being able to travel to the state of Guanajuato and visit some other single women who are also serving with the IMB. It was a great week, where we spent time talking together, laughing together, praying together, just being together. There was only one downside to the whole trip; to get there required nearly 12 hours of bus rides. 

Mexico actually has a pretty decent bus system from state to state. The busses are generally clean, mostly punctual, have their own bathrooms, and most will even play a movie or two during the ride. However, depending on where you are traveling to, there may only be one or two busses traveling your needed route a day, so if you miss that bus, or aren’t able to get a ticket, you end up sitting around for quite a while.

Well, there were no issues getting to Guanajuato. We were able to buy our tickets in advance, we met up with everyone as planned, it was great. However, because we weren’t positive what the time frame for leaving was, we decided to wait and buy our return tickets later. Of course, when we went online later to try and reserve our tickets, we realized that because we didn’t have a Mexican credit card, we would have to buy our tickets in person. Two of the girls in our group had already bought tickets on an 11pm bus, and we were hoping to ride with them, so we prayed that there would be 2 tickets left on that bus when we got there. 

That night we got to the bus station almost an hour early, go up to the counter, and are promptly told that the next available bus would leave in 2 1/2 hours. The 11pm bus was sold out. We sadly bought our tickets, and prepared to say goodbye to our friends, and then sit in the bus station. However, one of our friends wasn’t giving up yet. She pulled us together, prayed that God would open up 2 seats on the bus, maybe even 2 seats together, and then she went and started talking to people. The response from everyone was the same. Unless someone cancelled their tickets at the last minute, we were stuck. It didn’t matter if someone didn’t show up on time, they would not be able to give us those seats, it had to be an actual cancellation. 

At 10:50, we walked the other girls to their bus, resigned to the fact that no one was going to cancel. Then, one of the supervisors comes up to us and tells us to go to the ticket counter. So we raced back to the counter, only to be told, there were still no seats available. Confused and disappointed, we headed back to the bus. When we asked the supervisor, she told us someone else must have bought the tickets at that exact moment, because there had been 2 seats available for us. It was then about 10:58. Then, someone else comes hurrying toward us, and tells us there are 2 seats being held for us, we just have to hurry and go switch our tickets! We ran BACK to the counter, switched our tickets, hugged our 2 friends who were staying behind, and got onto the bus at the last second!

As if all of that wasn’t enough, God decided to do one more cool thing for us. The tickets we were able to get weren’t next to each other, which was fine, because we were just thrilled to make it on at all! Well, I went to take my seat, and someone was already in it. Hoping that there wasn’t some major mixup and I was going to get kicked back off the bus, I checked seat numbers with them. They had sat in the wrong seat, and their assigned seat? The one right next to Candace. I happily agreed to take their assigned seat, and just like that, we were on our way home.

Never say that God doesn’t care about the little things :)

Stressful Days Can Become Special Moments

This weekend was a blur of outright craziness. Never have I had to make so many decisions in my life, especially decisions where I don't have all of the details (or really any details), and where it seems like no matter what I choose I either miss out on something or  have some random inconvenience to deal with. Basically it was exhausting.

Let me give you a brief rundown. We received a last minute request to drive to a city 3 hours away and help with a project one of our teammates was doing. We also had a meeting to work on translations planned. We were also invited to a family's home. We also were invited to a Bible study. We also had church. We also had plans to meet a lady for a language lesson. When you add to all of this the fact that our phone has been out for about a month, we have very limited internet access, and we were trying to make plans with people from all over the place, it was a crazy time.

But, of course, God knew what was best. Here is the reason why. Despite the enthusiasm of the people who participated in our week-long, Bible story translation project, despite the fact that they chose a day and a time when they would come and continue to work on stories, no one has been coming. Candace and I have spent the last three Saturday evenings sitting outside of the church building for an average of two hours waiting for people who never came. Needless to say, it has been a bit discouraging.

Now here is the good part: On Friday, I prayed and asked God for more people to talk to in the village, for more friendships. I wandered a bit, decided to stop in to say hi to a woman who hasn't been feeling well, and two hours later found myself helping the woman and her sisters-in-law make tamales. One of these women I had never officially met, but as we were cooking I was able to share with her what I was doing in the village, where I came from, some of the difficulties we were having, all of that.

Now let's jump ahead to the Bible study. Because of all that we had going on, Candace and I very nearly decided not to go to the Bible study, (especially once we found out it was at a house that required quite a hike to get to!). But we did go, and as the study ended, my newly-made friend stood up and asked the ladies there to pray about helping us with our translating project, as well as encouraging them to befriend us and help us get more connected to people in the village as well. This led to several women praying for us, and for our translation project, as well as a commitment from several women to speak on our behalf, to try and work things out so that we might be able to have more volunteers to translate.

So despite the craziness, despite the stress and the chaos, God brought about blessing and encouragement as only He could do.

Sitting Back and Watching God Work

This past week God did some pretty cool things. Not that He isn’t always doing pretty cool things, but this week it was abundantly clear that He was the one doing them, and not anyone else. Just looking back over the past 7 days His hand is overwhelmingly clear in everything that happened.

Let me explain. This week several other M’s who are serving in Mexico right now came to stay in our sweet little village, and they led a training on translating and recording Bible stories in an indigenous language. Not only were they here to teach us how to record stories, but they were also teaching the local people who came to help us how to evangelize using simple Bible stories, and how valuable it is to memorize these stories.

Planning for this training was a surprisingly stressful time for me and Candace. We spent several weeks before this one trying to plan out the details: we were looking for a place big enough for all of us to meet, trying to find ways to feed 30ish people twice a day, and most of all, searching for people who could take off time from their work and their busy lives to come and translate stories.

Well, Monday was the first day of the training. We got official permission to use our church building on Sunday. We found someone to cook lunch for us on Sunday. Unfortunately, we were still lacking any firm commitment from anyone to help us. When Monday arrived, our fears were confirmed. No one from our village came to help. (Thankfully, our teammates were able to find 4 people who they drove up the mountain to our village, so we were still able to get a bit of work done.) We also had some miscommunication about lunch, so half of the group had already walked away when someone arrived delivering food for us, and we had to go and collect all of the people to come back and eat.

Here is where the really cool stuff starts to happen. Just as everyone is finishing up lunch and getting ready to leave (don’t forget, lunch was delayed because of the mixup), a young couple from our church here in the village showed up to see how things went that day. They were shocked to realize that not a single person from our village had gone to help. So that night, when most of us were getting ready for bed, we heard a knock on the door. There was the young couple, as well as another lady, come to tell us that we should wait for them in the morning, because they were definitely going to be there!

So the next morning, there we were with 4 people from our village, and the group from the other village had nearly doubled in size! Well, the group from our village had a slow start, struggling to understand what the goal was, and although the day’s work ended well, we weren’t really sure if they would be coming back.

The next day, we had 12 people from our village, and only 1 of them had been there the day before! The 1 who came back was one who had struggled a lot the day before, but as we all sat down to try and explain the process to everyone else who was new, he took the lead in explaining it, and we just sat back to watch God at work. He got it! He was explaining things in a way that they completely understood the goal of what we were doing, the value in it. He had caught the vision, and he was passionately explaining to all of the others how they could do this work, and how it could be used to share the Gospel with the people here! It was difficult to keep from laughing out loud for joy at seeing how God was opening the doors for us to do this type of work here.

Well, the team finished the training, and they all packed up and went back to their homes. But the really exciting part is that the people here don’t want to stop working on stories! Minutes after we wrapped up everything for the week, they were asking us when they could do it again. At church on Sunday they were telling others who didn’t participate about how excited they were to do this kind of project, and they have already told us many times that they would love to meet for several hours every week to work on stories.

I am telling you, this is what it looks like when God is at work. It is my prayer that He will continue to work in the hearts of people here, and that it won’t be long until we see more people here coming to know the Lord as they learn more about Him through stories told in their heart language.

Sharing My Struggles...

Oh goodness, what to write today. I’ve been trying to write something for several days now, but the problem is, I don’t really know what exactly it is I want to share. As you may have realized by now if you’ve read very many of my previous posts, I often write on here more for the sake of processing things that I am dealing with than for any other reason. That being said, I still want my posts to be worth the time that you spend reading them, so I'll try not to ramble too much :)

I guess what I’m trying to deal with at the moment is more just fighting against myself so that I can do the job God brought me here to do. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of specific responsibilities with this job. At the moment I am simply working to learn the language, and to get to know the people here. Not too complicated right? Somehow though, when I reach the end of each week and look back at how I spent the days, I find that I often managed to avoid spending very much time doing those exact things. Sure, I may have spent some time doing that, but I also spent plenty of time doing other things that really don’t matter, that are just for my own enjoyment or satisfaction. 

I feel like Romans 7:18-20 pretty much describes my life right now. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it our. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” 

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Any suggestions? One thing that really stuck with me that I first heard during my training back in April was that going on the mission field doesn’t make you suddenly better able to overcome things that you struggled with before, but instead it amplifies them. This is absolutely true. If you are someone who looks at missionaries and thinks that they must have this great spiritual life, and that they know all the perfect verses from the Bible for every difficult situation so that they can overcome any struggle, please understand that I say this with love, but you are absolutely wrong. 

There is a reason that missionaries are always asking for your prayers. It is because we are messed up, struggling individuals who are just overflowing with faults, but God has chosen to call us out to live our lives in a different context, a different culture. As I mentioned before, Satan likes to use the different culture as a tool to amplify our personal temptations and struggles in order to keep us from the work that God has called us to do. I am so guilty of giving in to these temptations, but I know that “God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but when you are tempted He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Wow, I don’t deserve all that God is willing to do for me! 

Friends, when you think of me, please remember how messed up I am. Please remember how much I need your prayers, and know that I pray for you often as well. We all are called to be on mission where we are, and how can we stay silent when God has done, and continues to do, so much for us?! Thank You Lord for who You are!