Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were supposed to be doing something, and you knew that it was a good thing to do, but you just couldn’t find the motivation to get up and actually do it?
Well, for me, that happens a lot…(And I’m not just talking about when I don’t feel like getting out of my warm bed and walking around in the cold concrete house!).
My full time job right now is learning a third language. There is a part of me that finds this absolutely thrilling. I have loved studying languages for as long as I can remember, whether it be American Sign Language, Spanish, French, Italian, whatever. For some reason I’ve just always enjoyed learning how to say random phrases in other languages. So being here in this village and actually being paid to learn another language is in some ways a dream come true.
There is another part of me, though, that just wants to find things to complain about. Despite the fact that God has opened SO many doors in this community, and that I have already learned so much in the short time that I have been studying this language, I find myself feeling discouraged and, to be perfectly honest, straight up grumpy. I start complaining, whether to myself, to my teammates, or to God, whining about not having a normal class to go to, or having to plan what I’m going to study for myself. Even when I am able to find people who are willing to teach me, I get frustrated because they use a slightly different pronunciation, or they use a few words from a different dialect, or some such small thing that inconveniences me as I try and learn.
As you can tell, I am a sinful, ungrateful, lazy human being. Even though God has given me so much, and He asks so little of me, I turn around and complain about what He hasn’t given me, and about what I have to do for myself. This is a battle I have been fighting recently.
I don’t really know where this question came from, but tonight I found myself thinking through this language learning struggle, and I started to ask, “Where is my motivation coming from?” Well, God, because He is God and knew that I needed a bit of a wakeup call to the absurdity of my attitude, reminded me of a song that I learned earlier this year. The song is called “The Cost” by Rend Collective, and the lyrics (see below) are words of surrender to God’s calling.
That is where I need to find my motivation. I need to find it in the fact that God has brought me here, that He called me to come and learn the language of these people, to work against the repercussions of the sins of the people of Babel so many years ago in order to share Light with people who are trapped in darkness.
I have no doubt that, despite my good intentions, I am going to have plenty of days where I not only don’t want to get out of bed, but I most definitely don’t want to go out and try to learn a challenging language. I also have no doubt that God deserves for me to make every effort to serve Him to the best of my abilities. I’ve counted up the cost, and HE IS WORTH IT.
I’m saying yes to you
And no to my desires
I’ll leave myself behind and follow You.
I’ll walk the narrow road
‘Cause it leads me to You
I’ll fall but grace will pick me up again.
I’ve counted up the cost,
Oh I’ve counted up the cost,
Yes I’ve counted up the cost and You are worth it.
I do not need safety as much as I need You
You’re dangerous but Lord You’re beautiful.
I’ll chase You through the pain
I’ll carry my cross
‘Cause real love is not afraid to bleed.
I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost and You are worth it.
I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost and You are worth it.
Jesus take my yolk
Take my everything
I’ve counted up the cost
You’re worth everything
Jesus take my yolk
Take my everything
I’ve counted up the cost
You’re worth everything
I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost and You are worth it.
