An Honest Confession

Here is the truth: I hate being out of control.

When I was packing up, getting ready to get on a plane and leave Virginia on Monday, I received an email regarding my visa to Mexico. Long story short, the paperwork that I didn't know I was waiting for was finally ready, and I needed to take it to the Mexican consulate...in Virginia. Did I mention I was about to get on a plane to leave Virginia? Cue the tears of frustration (and seriously, I almost never cry).

Well, I tried to take the advice of some very wise people, and just rest in God, knowing that He is in control, and to take my thoughts captive instead of stressing about it. God helped me out with that a bit by giving me some very chatty seat mates on the planes, so I couldn't just sit and worry for hours on end!

After arriving home, I checked my email, only to find out that I had been requested not to leave Virginia. Oops. Thankfully, I have some understanding supervisors. Then began a flurry of emails and phone calls between myself and what feels like about a thousand other people, all trying to work things out so that I can get on a plane next thursday with a visa in hand. Well, let me tell you something: when there are "a thousand" other people trying to work things out for you, you don't have control of the situation. So all I have been able to do has been to sit and wait for the next email, or the next phone call, and hope that soon someone out there will find the solution and will tell me what to do.

Yeah, I don't like being out of control. However, I truly do believe when the Bible says that God works all things for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose. Because I believe that, I have been trying to figure out what in the world God is working out in this for me, what His purpose is in all of this chaos. Well, I think it should be pretty apparent what a possible lesson I could be that God is trying to teach me. I need to give Him COMPLETE control of my life. I thought when I surrendered to His call on me to do international missions that that was giving Him control of my life. Ha. That was barely even letting go with my pinky finger. But, I am going into a situation where I don't know the language, I don't know the culture, I have absolutely no idea what to expect, or even what is expected of me by my team. I am going to make a billion mistakes. However, God does not the language, the culture, what is coming, and what people expect of me. It makes a lot more sense for Him to be in control than for me, right?

Still, I hate being out of control. Please pray for me, as God continues to teach me how to trust Him and His timing.